Up Until Now

There are things in my life that I have to just accept and move on. I am doing my best. I am writing this as fast as I can as my son is asleep and will wake up in a moment or so. I have been a stay at home Dad and masters of art education for the past seven months. It is a bumpy road as I have learned to let go of my goals and dreams and just experienced the day to day. Some of those days I am happy, some of those days I am not... it just fluctuates. I enjoy watching my son grow, and develop. Its wild to observe a human being become more and more independent physically. He is a sharp kid at a young 11 months old. he is already smarter than me. Why? Because he doesn't sweat the little things in his life. Like he still can't use utensils properly. He can't clean his own soiled bottom. The guy can't even speak the same language as his parents. Not that they speak it properly all of the time. Yet he just keeps on living every day. Enjoying the world around him. He is working on walking now. He is toddling more than crawling so we are at the cusp of a new chapter in his life. I already miss the baby he was only weeks ago.

I was feeling guilty for a long time because I was envious of those who were working on their careers. Specifically those in the entertainment industry. Publishing to be specific. I made bad choices in the past, and I believe I could and should be working steadily. There is no good reason other than just not being persistent. Then I remember how it felt looking for work. Being judged harshly and watching everyone licking each others asses. It always made me feel nauseous.

The ego is an ugly thing.

The industry has become too serious for its own good. Its not fun anymore. Its all serious business. It is just that.... a business.

I don't get to write much...

...and now my son has woken up.

Maybe things will change.... after my masters in art education is done this May.

But really, who cares?